Pirates

In the beginning…

Long before man walked the earth, long after the dawn of time, the earth was calm. Rivers flowed, trees started to sprout from the once fiery earth, and a gentle soothing breeze kept the earth cool. Birds chirped, fish swam and the world was at peace. Strange new species started inhabiting the earth, and the once desolate rock that circled the great yellow ball in the sky was now filled with the sounds of life.

For millions of years the earth remained in tranquil serenity, untouched, pure, clean, as if planned with scrupulous precision. For a millennia life was beautiful. Everything was perfect. Mother Nature’s plan was coming together, and the script was almost complete. Almost…

Family Softballus Playus

Amongst the orderly chaos of life rose a family that would forever change the course of history: Softballus Playus. Softballus Playus had incredible intelligence never seen in any other primate. Softballus Playus walked on its hind legs, freeing its arms and hands for the gathering of rocks, sticks and branches. Over time Softballus Playus’ intelligence increased, and before too long had developed the ability to craft tools out of rocks and sand.

Species Piratus R. Supremus

One particular tribe of the Softballus Playus family, Piratus R. Supremus (Pirates Supreme), were found to have extraordinary intelligence allowing them to fashion animal hides into articles of clothing which they used as protection from the harsh environment. This particular tribe wore the black hide of a now extinct animal which is still evident today.

Piratus R. Supremus lived as a small tribe, dominated by an alpha male (although to this day it is believed he was dominated by an alpha female). At times the alpha male’s position was challenged by younger males, however the alpha male exerted his dominance forcing the younger males to retreat to the sidelines. As punishment younger males were often made to sit and watch while the alpha male and his tribe went to battle, a rite of passage which the younger males had grown to accept.

Battle

Piratus R. Supremus often won battles by using their unparalleled intelligence to carve rocks into small spherical-shaped balls which they would throw at their opponents. This intelligence saw Piratus R. Supremus remain the most feared and dominant tribe in battle.
Before too long other opposing tribes noticed this, and soon followed suit. However by this stage Piratus R. Supremus’ intelligence had superceded its opponents and had developed long cylindrical batons made out tree branches which it swung in combat to hit the oncoming projectiles. Fearing defeat, opposing tribes would often retreat, leaving Piratus R. Supremus as the victors.
It is believed that Piratus R. Supremus were the first tribe to wear the hollowed skulls of other tribes on their heads and groins to protect them in battle, a defensive strategy that was also eventually adopted by opposing tribes. There is also evidence to suggest Piratus R. Supremus were the creators of a ceremonious effervescent amber beverage made from fermented barley and hops, which they would consume after battle. This was referred to as mead, or more commonly referred to as beer. It is believed that the consumption of mead assisted with the development of modern speech. Unfortunately it came with unwanted side effects, which scientists have termed the condition “speakus shittus syndrome”.

Co-inhabitants

It is believed a rival species also co-habited the land, but their noticeably lesser intelligence and illegible communication skills stunted their evolution into modern man, evident in today’s modern species. Their distinguishable odour, noticeable knuckle dragging and battle cries of “Arrk arrk aark” can still be heard on the battlefield today.

Folklore

It was once believed that “FUN” spelled “Softball”, believed to be the name that the Piratus R. Supremus tribe coined for “battle”.